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[00:00:00] Jasper: They just know that you're gonna rock it better than they will.

[00:00:01] Dey: Yeah exactly! It's like, I'm sorry Cheryl but I'm gonna rock that floral blouse better than you so fork it over you know? As well as your like, you know Marshall's gift card or whatever you have. I love Marshalls but its a problem because I spend too much there.

[00:00:14] Jasper: I'm Jasper Lior and this is Gender Euphoria: the podcast where we break down what gender euphoria is and talk about the beautiful, wonderful, incredible parts of trans identity. Today I'm with Dey St. Pierre, Dey is a Sims mansion connoisseur, a sparkling beverage enthusiast and an aspiring fifties housewife.

[00:00:37] Dey: Hello

[00:00:38] Jasper: Thank you for joining me Dey.

[00:00:39] Dey: Yes, of course! Oh my gosh this is so exciting. I love ahh!

[00:00:44] Jasper: I'm so excited to hear all your beautiful thoughts about

[00:00:47] Dey: Yeah

[00:00:48] Jasper: Your beautiful gender. What does gender euphoria mean to you?

[00:00:53] Dey: I really equate gender euphoria with my style like, fashion in the sense of like you know, today I'm going to wake up and be a fifties housewife, and then the next day I'm gonna be Natasha Lyonne in Russian Doll, like today. Um I think that there's a lot of like, beauty and like how like, influential on the outside you can look and how that like really like means to

[00:01:19] Jasper: like

[00:01:20] Dey: and like, you know, it's just like if I feel like this and then I'm able to portray it better outside of me, then it feels a lot realer. Realer?

[00:01:31] Jasper: Yeah it feels like euphoric, kind of.

[00:01:35] Dey: Yeah, yeah I definitely would say it's euphoric. I feel like cuz for a while I was always, you know, the terrible kid in class who wore the Martha's Vineyard Vines or whatever and I would like have like terrible taste like that. And then as, but then like as I grew out of that I was like, Oh I can like wear blouse or something and there's no like, there's such a construct around gender and especially in small town Massachusetts, it's just kind of like you are this box and that is the only thing you can be but realizing that there's so much more to it than you can be like this beautiful like floral wearing, you know, like floppy sleeves, bell sleeves. Oh my god I love sleeves. I always wanted big sleeves but then I always always have the sweatshirts and I'd stretch out the sleeves like crazy to make sort of like bell sleeves, but then it just looked like you took a Nike sweatshirt and you stretch out the sleeves like crazy.

[00:02:26] Jasper: But like in your mind, you were feeling your bell sleeves.

[00:02:29] Dey: I was bell sleeves, I was like beauty, I was like I'm Beauty and the Beast but sans the beast, just beauty.

[00:02:35] Jasper: Yeah would you say that you felt gender euphoria growing up?

[00:02:39] Dey: Yeah no I wouldn't, growing up I wouldn't say as much. I think that there was a real turning point in 2019 when I moved out of my parents' house and I was just kind of like, hmm I don't want to be that anymore and it was kind of like, that was also the same time, around that time that I changed my like, pronouns to from he/him to they/them. And I, I tested it out for, my trial period with my pronouns was like three days. And I was like, that feels amazing, like I want this to be a standard. I don't want people to be like, Oh, hey, how's he doing? I want them go, hey how are they doing? It just felt so much more fitting and like it, it felt like appropriate for me, you know? And I felt like it was like, this is who I am. And then fast forward, another year, and you have me, like, I, I didn't felt like, feel like my deadname really like essenced who I was. And there was a lot of like, it was kinda like a haunted forest of like ooh, that's bad I don't just don't want that. And so like kinda like it was kinda like turning the page on it. And so growing up I really don't think that there was any, I think that there's a lot more dysphoria than, like, there was like euphoria you know?

[00:03:50] Jasper: What does gender euphoria feel like?

[00:03:53] Dey: I think that gender euphoria for me, it feels kind of, of, it feels really it's like sweet and smooth and it like, I don't know, I feel like we're describing a drink. But like it goes it goes like so like deep into like who you are and like, what you're like doing it just like, it's like adding on like a hundred, I'm thinking of like D&D, for some reason. It adds on a hundred attack points to whatever bad you're dealing with in that day and so it's like kind of realizing like, you know, oh, this doesn't always have to be bad, you know? It's like there's also some good times there too, to have.

[00:04:30] Jasper: Totally, I love that analogy. Adding like plus a hundred gender to just like you strong in the-

[00:04:37] Dey: It's like like a potion. Poof, you get to be gender euphoric now.

[00:04:42] Jasper: Oh I really love that.

[00:04:44] Dey: Yeah I gotta sell those potions now. They're all in my closet.

[00:04:48] Jasper: Oh my God we should definitely make a potion called Gender Euphoria!

[00:04:50] Dey: Yes! Oh my God. That'd be amazing.

[00:04:53] Jasper: Visit

[00:04:55] Dey: Yes a hundred percent!

[00:04:57] Jasper: What's a moment of gender euphoria that stands out in your life?

[00:05:02] Dey: Yeah, so I remember I was talking to someone on Boyleston Street one time, when I lived in Boston for going to school and I was wearing this really nice floral shirt and like these really great like skinny jeans and my first pair of healed boots. And I like, I love like healed boots now like you, I don't know, if you are listening, you can't see but I'm wearing my big platform Doc Martins and I love the heels. Like they're just my favorite thing. And so like I was wearing all these like beautiful things and then this person was just like, oh hey, what pronouns do you use? And it was, it wasn't it wasn't like, you know, I knew them really well. It was just like some person that was taking my order at the Tatte on Boyleston and they were like, what pronouns do you use again? And I was like Oh, they/them. And I was just kind of like came so fluidly and I was like this is amazing. You know?

[00:05:54] Jasper: Yeah. They saw you.

[00:05:55] Dey: Yeah. I felt seen and heard and I just like, especially in the hustle and bustle of Boston and it was just kind of like, a wow that's crazy. I didn't know that that was an like an option, you know?

[00:06:07] Jasper: Yeah. Oh, kind of catches you off guard a little bit.

[00:06:11] Dey: Oh it definitely does. I think that there was so much that like, I didn't realize I was kind of like pushing it down like, keeping it underground you know? I didn't realize that there was that much that I was like just like what? Squish that! You know? But like I feel like there's a lot that, like now that I'm aware of it, I can be like, oh, hey, that was really nice, you know? Like makeup has been this huge like, whoa I get to do that and I'm not gonna look, be looked at weirdly, cause I'm just not gonna see those looks, you know? Like you get those like old old people that are like, eh you youngins wear an eyeliner when you shouldn't, you know? It's like screw you, you know I can wear eyeliner whenever I want and I can do my makeup and smudge it and look like a raccoon.

[00:06:55] Jasper: But a non-binary raccoon

[00:06:57] Dey: A non-binary raccoon, a Enby raccoon for the ages.

[00:07:02] Jasper: thats what we'll call your episode.

[00:07:05] Dey: Yes! Yes! Oh my God. I love that.

[00:07:08] Jasper: I don't think I've been asking people this question but I'm gonna ask you. Why is gender euphoria important?

[00:07:15] Dey: Oh... I think that it's like super important because like what else is there to balance out the bad you know? Like the good, like gender euphoria is this super term of bliss, like this, like top shelf like coveted, like, oh, you know? But I, I think that like sort of like being like realizing sometimes there's bad moments you know? Gender dysphoria, unfortunately. I feel like I was casting a spell, like, ah, you know, but like, there's like sort of like these bad moments where like you can't control what happens and something to like sort of balance that out is the good. I have very ADHD responses.

[00:07:56] Jasper: That's okay!

[00:07:57] Dey: Yeah.

[00:07:58] Jasper: I'm trying to think why I think it's important.

[00:08:00] Dey: Yeah. Why do you think it's important? I feel like...

[00:08:03] Jasper: So many reasons. Definitely what you like, what you said for sure. Because for the first bit of my gender journey like I only felt dysphoria and I didn't and then I felt euphoria I was like okay this is awesome.

[00:08:17] Dey: Oh yeah, it's like a bad credit card that you sign onto, like I have to keep on repaying this? Like where's the good like perks you know?

[00:08:25] Jasper: Yeah. That's a good analogy. It is the perks

[00:08:28] Dey: Very capitalistic, I realize.

[00:08:31] Jasper: That's okay. I live in capitalism, unfortunately. But also like there's, so, like another reason I think is that being trans is kind of a superpower.

[00:08:40] Dey: Oh, yeah.

[00:08:40] Jasper: And I think that gender euphoria is the magic of that superpower.

[00:08:45] Dey: Yeah. No, I definitely, cuz we're, it's a potion you know you smash it down and you go poof like a cloud of gender euphoria and then, boom, your audience, or not audience, what am I saying? You're a stage magician now. But no it's it's beautiful like this like sort seeing people for who they really want to be and like reality mixing with your dreams in the sense of being like there's this, like I feel like in that sense of gender euphoria being magic is just kind of like, it's all around you, like the force or something like every YA novel ever. But like you, you basically, you just got to you know essence it, and be, and sometimes you don't even get to choose. Sometimes it's just like, boom, you're gonna be euphoric and it's gonna be great and you don't even know why. And it's just it's just there. It's there and here to stay. And then you know it, it, but like also the bad is also there cuz like, you know you can't have good without bad.

[00:09:42] Jasper: Yeah. I have not been able to figure out how to conjure up euphoria, like on my own yet

[00:09:51] Dey: I feel like it's such a process like there's no like mystical shaman or somerthing. But there are like others' guidance, you know sort of like, Oh well you know Jim, Bob is great and they like to do this, and sometimes I don't realize it until I'm like doing it I'm like, Oh, I'm doing exactly what that person said made them feel super happy, hmm wonder why?

[00:10:16] Jasper: Yeah. I also wonder if there's something about like seeing people outside of the haze of everyday life, like the binary, the capitalism, the patriarchal misogyny, whatever. And then you like kind of become clear and you see a human being through that haze and like they feel seen by you and you feel seen by them and like that experience of going beyond all the everyday bullshit is

[00:10:40] Dey: Oh, yeah yeah

[00:10:41] Jasper: A form of gender euphoria. Is there anything that is really seeing your gender right now?

[00:10:48] Dey: Oh yeah. I feel like it's really tricky because like identifying people well like sort of like trying to pin someone as non-binary or like, not pinned but like sort of be like, ah, yes, another not cis-het, I guess it feels kind of weird sometimes cuz my brain's kind of like Oh but don't, don't be mean about it, but it's like, why would I be mean you know? And started like realizing like, oh, you know, it's like this like sort of unlearning system that you have to go through for it, but like, I feel like with like seeing myself in media, it's always been really difficult cuz I'm a minority of a minority of a minority cuz I'm Asian and then I'm adopted and then you add on all the LGBT stuff it's like wow that's like super filters on Zillow when you're looking for a million dollar mansion or something. But I don't know. I think that I really saw myself in like a lot of the Russian Doll cuz There's a show on Netflix right now called Russian Doll with Natasha Lyonne I I dressed up as her today

[00:11:48] Jasper: Are there any specific moments from the show that stand out to you?

[00:11:52] Dey: Yeah no every scene that Natasha Lyonne, her character Nadia's friend Maxine, every scene she is in, I, Oh, I love it. I love it. I love all those scenes oh my gosh, so like Russian Doll really like jumpstarted my like whole, like this is no longer normal ville, you know? kind of being like there's so much more out there to like you know life than just the binary and seeing like Natasha Lyonne and I think it was Greta Lee who plays Maxine and seeing all of these like characters and their like, beautiful like outfits and stuff. And I was like, I want to be that, and now I get to be it. You know it's like sort of like being like, Wow, I saw that. I got it It's like that tikTok I I saw I want, I got it or whatever. Yeah what is, what have you been seeing in media that you like?

[00:12:43] Jasper: Well I named myself after Jasper from Stephen Universe

[00:12:47] Dey: Oh my God, I love that

[00:12:49] Jasper: She's a villain in the show. I wanna just be like buff and strong

[00:12:54] Dey: Yeah I love that for you

[00:12:56] Jasper: so like my physical body goals are more jasper oriented. Like I wanna get top surgery and like have a flat chest and be really buff

[00:13:03] Dey: and Yeah

[00:13:04] Jasper: I'm not trying to be like skinny twinky Jasper I'm trying to be like buff soft butch Jasper

[00:13:10] Dey: I love that for you oh my gosh. I I really like I think that there's such a, there's such a beauty in seeing your like or seeing or or just being like, I actually started taking videos of myself on TikTok yesterday. They're really cringy. But like, I did this one, like I had just woken up and I I know this is bad, but like, I woke up and then the first thing I did, I looked at my phone. I'm like, What? What's on TikTok? I got a bunch of notifications, what's going on And the day before when I had woken up, I had taken a video of like myself, just like, You know doing one of those filters. I think it was like what would, what has your past, like child said to you or whatever child you, what would they say to you now? And it was like this really sad thing actually. And it was over a Mitski song too, it was like a clip of a Mitski song. And I thought it was, I was like, this is profoundly sad, but I've just woken up so I'll make it like, sort of like a Hmm, okay face and then I like, I took that video and it was just like the first thing I took when I woke up and I looked amazing and I was just kinda like, I looked back on that video and like wow that's me I get to be that person. And it's like sometimes like disassociating so hard that I'm not seeing myself You know It's like being like wait that that, that me, you, I get to be that? Oh my gosh, like, sign me up. But some days it's also hard because like you know you're also like, Oh no, That that that? That one?

[00:14:33] Jasper: I have to be this this one?

[00:14:34] Dey: Yeah, exactly. It's like a pick your player sort of thing And I'm like Oh

[00:14:38] Jasper: What do you love about being non-binary?

[00:14:42] Dey: Well first and foremost I'd have to say being chaotic and being like I don't need your bins and boxes of this gender, That gender Like I blah, you know I'm gonna be myself. I'm gonna wear my floral shirts, I'm gonna wear my silk tops. I'm gonna wear all of these beautiful things that I'm not gonna give one flying hoot hoot about your gender boxes you have to give. Unless they have perfume in them, in which case I will take them. Cause the thing is like when you even though I was gay when I was cis I still had like this very specific outfit like setup that I had to, well, I didn't have to, but I felt like I should be holding myself to this because otherwise people get confused and they might think that I was not and it was like I look back on myself like, What the hell were you thinking? You are non-binary, you know? Sort of like being like, wow, you know, like I get to wear like Blossy tops and like you know Florals and who cares what section of the clothing store I'm in, like Marshalls, those old ladies who are like looking at me weirdly cuz I'm in the blouse section? They can suck it cuz I am there to stay

[00:15:50] Jasper: they just know that you're gonna rock it better than they will

[00:15:52] Dey: Yeah exactly It's like, I'm sorry Cheryl but I'm gonna rock that floral blouse better than you So fork it over you know as well as your like you know Marshall's gift card or whatever you have I love Marshalls but its a problem because I spend too much there Yeah

[00:16:06] Jasper: We all have our coping strategies

[00:16:08] Dey: Oh yeah yeah No shop therapy has always been a I don't know if you should do that one you know

[00:16:13] Jasper: you're the third person out of seven who have answered that they like being chaotic as the

[00:16:19] Dey: Oh my gosh Yeah It's like it's a It's like I feel like the magic is so much based in like there's no system It's just there and sometimes chaos is better You chaos magic Whoa

[00:16:35] Jasper: Oh okay where can people find you on the internet?

[00:16:41] Dey: Yeah So as previously mentioned you can see me on TikTok at @dey__2000 I wanna say I think there's two underscores there There might just be one on the tikTok but everything is pretty much the same. My Instagram is that @dey__2000. And yeah I think that's all oh I always have a GoFundMe right now. Saving the day for Dey. If you wanna donate I don't mean I don't mean to like it yeah but like I I, am dealing with a lot of like issues with finance and stuff and so like, I made this GoFundMe as kind of like a ooh maybe this can help with, you know, the little things around the month, you know, like at the end of the month where it's like, ooh, I'm scraping on pennies right now and like but yeah, I can send you over a link for that Maybe you can put in the description

[00:17:30] Jasper: Link to GoFundMe in the description

[00:17:33] Dey: Yeah yay Thanks

[00:17:35] Jasper: Dey!

[00:17:36] Dey: Oh is fun I love this I what was this about? I like so much hands Oh my goodness I think I've grown roots into the chair

[00:17:47] Jasper: It's that time of night

[00:17:48] Dey: it is is


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